I got weighed today for the first time 7+ years

I got weighed today.

It wasn’t terrible, nerve racking, or exciting.

I wasn’t waiting with anticipation to see the number, something I used to do. I used to hold my breath until the scale settled on my “worth” based on the number.

Today, it was just a part of my day, like getting on the bus or brushing my teeth.

I haven’t owned a scale for almost a decade, and I haven’t been weighed or weighed myself in over 7 years.

It isn’t something that I measure my health with (because it isn’t an accurate measure of health), or my worth—because I think that’s what it comes down to for most people (my former self included).

I use to let that damn thing dictate how I felt about myself, if the number was higher than I felt was “acceptable”  I restricted my food, I would force myself to do more cardio and fast until dinner—all disordered behaviours.  If the number was lower than i anticipated, I was happy, I walked a little taller, felt a little more confident, and would even eat more than I needed to because I was so “good.”

Needless to say, I let that stupid thing dictate how I was suppose to feel about myself and show up in the world.

I think we tend to justify stepping on the scale because we say, “it’s for my health” or “I know I feel better when I weigh less.” — and to that I say, sure, if that’s how you feel, who am I to say you’re wrong? At the end of the day, you know your body better than any “expert” or professional.

AND, i’d also like to propose a different POV….because if it REALLY is about your health, then wouldn’t focusing on health promoting behaviours and checking in with your body about how you FEEL be more tangible and actually rooted in HEALTH?

There are SO many factors that dictate someones weight, it’s not as easy to control as we might think, and as diet culture wants us to believe. What you DO have *some* control over is how you move your body, what you make for dinner, how much sleep you get, rest, and social connection. (Some control, not absolute control).

Anyways, I’m writing this because I got weighed this morning at an appointment, and it didn’t really phase me. I usually decline at doctor’s appointments but I’m at a place where I don’t really care. Because I know that for the most part, I feel pretty good, I feel strong, I’m able to move my body and nourish it with the proper amount of food. I take time to rest, and when I don’t feel so good, I honour that too. I’m also very aware that my weight isn’t something I put any value or weight into (pun intended).

My question for you: have you ever been feeling okay, maybe even feeling good, and then stepped on the scale and the number that appeared threw off your entire day? If that’s true for you, then would you say the scale is helping or hurting your mental and emotional health? and as a result, your physical health too?

What are some other ways you can measure your health….*hint:* it has more to do with how you FEEL than a number on a scale. BODY CHANGES are real, let’s start normalizing them.

Once I stopped clinging to a number that I had in my mind, that was “acceptable” by WHAT STANDARDS?! (that was from grade 12 by the way!)….I realized that it really wasn’t a big deal if I was 20+lbs more…it was actually liberating. 

I still don’t own a scale and won’t any time soon, probably never.

If I ever have little ones (not in the plans but you never know)….I most definitely won’t be buying one. There’s enough diet culture and unrealistic beauty ideals put on to them, I’d want the home to be a safe space for them to feel ALL the things and know that they’re not defined my a number. 

Anyways, I know my weight today. It’s probably different now because that was 5 hours ago and weight changes all the damn time #facts. I know my weight today and I don’t really care. In fact, I won’t think about it again once I’m done writing this. 

But I wanted to share because I felt compelled to. Maybe it’ll help someone, or maybe this distracted you from getting work done. Either way, I know my weight today and I had a very neutral response, and I know that that wouldn’t be the case if I hadn’t spent years working on my relationship with my body and food, and a lot of that had to do with questioning what diet culture and unrealistic beauty ideals were selling me.

I realize I’m a white woman in a body that isn’t oppressed or marginalized in our society, I have massive privilege when it comes to how I look (I don’t say that because i’m wildly confident, but it’s important to me that I acknowledge where I have privilege). For example, I can walk into a store and find clothes, I’m not judged for eating in public, or wearing a bathing suit—that IS privilege. Not every human is treated with the same respect—I hope that changes. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Sending love,

Alicia